Shattering Negative Body Image Part 2 | Negative Input

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The second thing I did to Shatter My Negative Body Image was to remove the things that made me feel like I would never measure up

You know your triggers. What is destroying your self worth? For me, one thing that would leave me feeling hopelessly inadequate was watching every skinny, beautiful actress in movies. They used to kill me. Everyone in Hollywood, it seemed, from the main characters to the people in the far background was perfect. When I was 13, I wanted nothing more than to grow up and be The Little Mermaid. This was only one of the million factors destroying any hope for a healthy self image. Hollywood is not helping us out, but when we are struggling with our self worth it can be seriously destructive.

Do not exchange your reality for a false front.
In old westerns you will see those hotels with big windows, two stories tall, but as the camera pans around the place it is practically a tiny shack. Proprietors were notorious for putting a lot of cash into a false front that made their place look superior to all the others in town knowing full well that the battle was won if they can just get you in the door. We are still falling for false fronts today. Just pick up a magazine or look at the movie industry.

It was just about ten years ago when I had an epiphany. I realized that everyone in movies looks perfect because they are all extras. Not but a small few of them are people on the street. Everyone of those people, even the street sweepers way in the back, are chosen to be on set because they fit an image criteria. A criteria that screens out average. Most of us, on a normal day, would get turned away at the door. Hollywood isn’t the home of average. That is a shame because as we watch those giant screens we are losing touch with reality. We start thinking what we see on the screen is the average we need to attain when really, it is so far from normal. None of this is helping women or men feel confident in their skin.

What triggers you to feel poorly about your body? There is a way you could reduce those negative influences in your life.

It won’t get better when you are a different shape or size. At one point in my body-hate mindset, I bought the 1996 version of Spanks to wear under my size 4 wedding dress. I remember the woman at the store telling me I did not need them. I can still see her, just shaking her head at me, as I left with my purchase. I remember holding my stomach in at all times and never leaving my bedroom without a coat of foundation to cover my spotty complexion. I was a slave to the image I created. I was obligating myself to live up to it every minute. I could not love myself if I was less than the image I created. I was not loving who God created, I was loving a creation of my own. I needed to replace this false image of beauty with reality. My new reality is full of real women who were lovely and courageous. I can see past this flesh and bone because my focal point has changed. Pulling away the false images gave me perspective to value true beauty and grace. If you look around, you will see that the world is full of imperfect beauty.

Getting healthy was more of a layer by layer process, where God revealed work I needed to allow in my heart while I got rid of negative input on the outside as well.

In the process of getting healthy I recognized that I was in a place where I needed to get rid of what was fueling my fire of inadequacy. Without these outside influences bombarding me I could start healing and replacing these lies with the truth of my worth. Without my mind making comparisons and accusations I began to believe that I, too, was lovely.

I am still guarding my heart. Magazines were on the cut list for me. I didn’t miss them as much as you would think.  I still am diligent to protect sane, rational feelings about my skin. This week, even 20 years into this journey, I just threw away an offer for a popular women’s health magazine. I knew the images in that magazine would leave me feeling flawed. Flaws that do not exist. I would like to be healthy and strong but I will never match those images even if I spent hours in my gym. I have to be diligent to protect my self worth. I have to remember not to side with the folks who would love for me to hate my body because they have a product to sell.

I decided to kill the talking heads in my life.
We moved out to a little farm house about five years into our marriage and we chose not to get cable or hook up the TV. The children just watched a DVD in the afternoon. (Those were the days) Without TV perfection to compare myself to I healed, learned, and grew in strength so much faster. I am not fashionable (the 10 kids might have given that away) but I have not hated my wardrobe or my body since we stopped watching TV. With nothing to compare to I gained a strong sense of self. I now happily wear what I want without feeling obligated to make anyone but myself happy.

I was also blessed with the fact that the house only had one mirror in the bathroom. If you stood on the tub you could check your outfit from the waist up. So it was not really worth the risk it involved. I have never cried over an outfit since we moved in. This break from unobtainable beauty standards allowed my focus to change and allowed me to heal my negative self image. Without an airbrushed, photoshopped model in front of me I was able to see the things that did make me beautiful. Removing those false fronts completely helped me see that there is so much more to beauty than a “perfect” outside. I was no longer reduced to skin and it felt good to value all of me.

Please read the other articles in this series and I hope that you are encouraged no matter where you’re at in this journey.

Shattering Negative Body Image & Changing Our Words

Healing is a journey and there are real things we can do to make that journey more productive and bearable. None of this would do much good without the additional work that God was doing on my heart at the same time. My husband and my Pastor were great supporters while God worked on the real issue of my value. Without all these other influences screaming at me I could hear, for the first time, what He thought about me. I could hear the Father call me beautiful, and it was sweeter then water to a thirsty soul.