We aren’t breaking horses | Notes on Parenthood
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I had a lesson in child training from a prisoner and a horse.
There was a gem in my FaceBook news feed. I rarely watch videos in the quiet of the morning but a few days back I watched this video about horse training. It was a short piece about a prison in Arizona that pairs inmates with wild horses. This was not some survivor reality show, although the horses survival depends on the training they receive. The method they taught the prisoners to gentle a horse was what caught my attention.
As a person who works with a lot of children, this spoke volumes to me. How I choose to interact with the kids around me, so much like these wild horses, either builds up or breaks down their trust. These horses are untouched and wild, yet are trained by inmates who have never had so much as a goldfish for a pet. I am about as equally prepared and trained for what every child needs. Like these inmates, I can bring them along side me and we can work it out together, without the bucking and spills I am used to.
Do you work With Children?
As a mentor and a volunteer in an afterschool program, there is so much to take away from this short piece. The idea I that resonated with me was this picture of reducing the pressure, and making success obtainable. The child’s success should be, and often is, our goal at home and when I volunteer, but often I forget and miss the mark. Often it is me, who is holding the carrot just out of reach and allowing frustration to overtake the student as well as the teacher. If we fail to make success obtainable we fail to reach the people God has sent to our lives.
Training is about so much more than getting the horse into a coral
How many times have I been frustrated because I didn’t get my lesson time, when I should have changed gears. I am so busy with the idea of getting the horses into the coral that I start pushing and shoving. All the while forgetting that I should be more concerned about what side of the fence they want to be on. Happy horses want to be on your side of the fence. The same goes for our kids and children and the ones we work with. It’s true, it is exhausting to continually check our will at the door and listen. It seems counter intuitive to bend down your ear when you could just demand, but the end goal is the heart of the child. Listening ties heart strings, deepening connections that can last a lifetime.
Our plan, agendas, and circumstances. They can cut us off from offering grace to those we are called to extend it to. I do it when I am tired and underprepared for school. I place success up on a shelf away from my kids I voulunteer with. Especially when I decide that obeying a rule is more important that listening with my whole self.
[Tweet “You can lead by picking up a whip or by opening the gate a little wider, either way you are training”]
Which will you choose; Cowboy or Whisperer?
I’ve played the cowboy, throwing a heavy saddle of demands on my kids and riding them. For who’s sake? Not mine, not theirs. Dominance of will is always a losing battle, but a heart in submission; full of love and trust, builds a life long connection no one can break.
One process leads to trust and connection and one leads to “brokenness.” If I want kids who can not be broken I must choose how I speak. Every time I open my mouth, I am training.
[Tweet “Happy horses want to be on your side of the fence”]
Are you a cowboy or a whisperer? How can you be different for the better of those you are training? What did you think about this video? Leave a comment and let me know.
